Monkey Man went to sleep at 6:20 tonight, woo! Let’s hope he stays asleep LOL.
Anyway, back to the bigger announcement: I am pregnant. I was not expecting to get pregnant, and in fact was considering getting an abortion upon finding out. However, two days after the positive test, I started feeling fetal movement. Once I can feel the baby, there’s no turning back. I cannot help but get attached to the little creature fluttering in my belly.
So begins the search for a doula, midwife, and place of birth. I have limited resources (almost none), aside from Medicaid, which should be approved in two to four weeks. So far, I have scheduled an interview or “meet and greet” with two doulas, have possibly found a birth center and midwife group that accept Medicaid, and have scheduled a pregnancy test to provide Medicaid with “proof of pregnancy”, and I will schedule a dating ultrasound at the same clinic after that appointment.
About how far along I am – I have no clue. This paragraph might be a little TMI, FYI. The LMP date suggests I am eight weeks along right now. But yet, I am already feeling fetal movement, which usually does not occur until twelve weeks at a minimum. So, it could be anyone’s best guess. My cycles (which returned five weeks postpartum) have been erratic since the birth of my son – either every fourteen or forty five days, with the exception of the last two, which were almost exactly twenty eight days apart. And the last one was odd – normal for seven days, then one day off, then three days of spotting – so who knows.
I, also, did suspect I was pregnant long before the positive test, but I was not able to confirm my suspicions. I first suspected I was pregnant five weeks ago, before the missed period, and took a test that gave negative results. After the missed period, I suspected even stronger, but yet another test was negative. Another three days after that, I felt a slight tinge of morning sickness, so thought there might be enough hormones built up for a positive result, and there was, which was last Wednesday. If anyone has some insight into why it took so long to get a positive result on a pregnancy test, I’d be all ears.
Because I am poor, my place of birth is limited. Erm, rather, my place of birth is limited if I want a medical professional to attend my birth. And I do. I am way too chicken shit and needy to birth unassisted. My anxiety about that would be through the roof if I made that choice, therefore, I will not birth unassisted.
I do, however, wish to find a place that is not a hospital to give birth. My experience of hospital birth really puts me off. It was micromanaged to the nth degree, impersonal, highly medicated, and even traumatizing. Also, after the birth, I was incapable of relaxing, or even sleeping (I went four days with only two hours of sleep), because of all the commotion, uncomfortable beds, and weird smells. Not to mention all the plastic tubing leading from my body causing general discomfort, pain, and inconvenience. Birthing at home would be ideal, but unlikely. The only way that can happen is if a home birth midwife were to work for me pro bono publico. But, like I mentioned earlier, a doula I am corresponding with gave me the name of a birth center that may accept my insurance, and I need to call in the morning to confirm that.
I am very excited to have a chance to experience childbirth again. I had been secretly wanting to for a few months now. I hope that this time, provided all things being equal, it will be a much more positive and profound experience. I am, of course, also looking forward to taking care of another little baby. I already have male and female names picked out, have decided on sleeping arrangements, and have decided to tandem breastfeed both babies, provided Monkey Man does not self-wean during the pregnancy. Eeek! I am SO excited!